Friday Fictioneers: The Water Tank

©

© Marie Gail Stratford

The girls ran to the tank and climbed the attached ladder  to the top. In this dry, harsh land the forbidden swim cooled them off. Without looking they jumped, falling further than normal before hitting the water.  They frolicked and giggled as they told of their secret loves and hidden desires. Eventually, they tried to leave. The water level was too low making it impossible to get out. Their skin whitened and wrinkled as they panicked, floating to stay alive. The first succumbed. The floating body a life-raft for the others. Their cries of help echoed around the tank.

Genre: Fiction

Word Count: 100

Rochelle invites us to write 100 words or less in response to Marie Gail Stratford’s photo prompt. Link up via the frog here

About Irene Waters 19 Writer Memoirist

I began my working career as a reluctant potato peeler whilst waiting to commence my training as a student nurse. On completion I worked mainly in intensive care/coronary care; finishing my hospital career as clinical nurse educator in intensive care. A life changing period as a resort owner/manager on the island of Tanna in Vanuatu was followed by recovery time as a farmer at Bucca Wauka. Having discovered I was no farmer and vowing never again to own an animal bigger than myself I took on the Barrington General Store. Here we also ran a five star restaurant. Working the shop of a day 7am - 6pm followed by the restaurant until late was surprisingly more stressful than Tanna. On the sale we decided to retire and renovate our house with the help of a builder friend. Now believing we knew everything about building we set to constructing our own house. Just finished a coal mine decided to set up in our backyard. Definitely time to retire we moved to Queensland. I had been writing a manuscript for some time. In the desire to complete this I enrolled in a post grad certificate in creative Industries which I completed 2013. Commenced a masters by research in 2014.
This entry was posted in fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, story telling and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

76 Responses to Friday Fictioneers: The Water Tank

  1. Dear Irene,

    A rather grisly tale that had such a pleasant beginning.

    Note-In the sentence “The water level was to low…” I think you need another ‘o’ in too 😉

    Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  2. micklively says:

    A striking mix of dark and innocent. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A cheery little tale, not.
    But AnElephant enjoys.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Short, dark and dreamy. I liked it. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Creepy stuff! And to think the town continued to drink the water… a sequel perhaps?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ouch.. this was very dark .. always sad when games end in disaster…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Gosh that turned a bit nasty. Good read though!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. gahlearner says:

    What a horrible fate, and it began so joyful. Great story.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. noelleg44 says:

    What a contrast, beginning to end. You have a devious mind, Irene. And I love it!

    Liked by 3 people

  10. ansumani says:

    Dark. But well done story on how a seemingly innocent beginning can end up grisly.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sherri says:

    How quickly disaster can strike when children are innocent of the dangers lurking by their side. Dark and powerful flash this Irene, and reminds us of how lucky we are to survive so many of our childhood misadventures…

    Liked by 3 people

  12. What a way to go. Also, the way you’ve left it, I’m wondering how many (if any) others will die. Great move from secret pleasure to deadly adventure.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Charli Mills says:

    That’s chilling and not in the way the girls intended.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Lorna says:

    Ooh, I knew this one wouldn’t end well. So many tragedies come from innocent beginnings. Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Yikes! At least they had a wee bit of shared joy in their friendship before it all went sour.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Oh no, it started out so innocently and then it was so sad. Great story though.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. How horrible!
    Not the story of course, that was good, but the story.
    How horrible!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Another example of the truism of: “Look before you leap.”
    Some leaps, even if made by faith, do not work out so well.
    Randy

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Innocent play leading to a tragic ending – sad, well written to make me feel that way.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. rgayer55 says:

    I’ve often thought about this kind of death when finding a dead mouse in a bucket of water. How long did they manage to stay afloat, praying help would come, before they finally gave out and gave up. It reminds us all to look before you leap.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Danny James says:

    Terrifying way to die.

    DJ

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Colline says:

    So sad when a joyful experience turns into a grisly one.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Dave says:

    Fresh corpses aren’t bouyant. But it’s more than sufficiently spooky anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Oh what a frightening tale. It hit some core of fear inside me. Alone, isolated and drowning with no hope of being found has got to be one of the worst ways to go.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. livingonchi says:

    Oh dear, what a terrifying tale! It gives me the shivers!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. i b arora says:

    a tale with a twist but liked it

    Liked by 1 person

  27. storydivamg says:

    Grisly but well-told. You did a nice job in your use of foreshadowing without giving away too much.

    All my best,
    MG

    Liked by 1 person

  28. subroto says:

    Wow that is a chilling end after the pleasant start. Nicely done.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. McGuffy Ann says:

    A cautionary tale. Both dark and well written.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. adamjasonp says:

    Definitely lives up to the name Reflections and Nightmares. Hope someone made it out alive!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. luckyjc007 says:

    Nice story, but very tragic. Children often make dangereous decisions without even realizing it. A parents nightmare!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. afairymind says:

    A good story, tragic and grisly as it is. Well done. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Amy Reese says:

    Oh, how awful, especially since they were only seeking a respite from the heat. This is sad, indeed. I could feel the desperation in how the girls used a body to stay afloat. What a grisly detail. Great story!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Dale says:

    Oh how lighthearted fun can turn so dark when one does not prepare properly. So sad!

    Liked by 1 person

  35. plaridel says:

    an ending i didn’t expect.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Creatopath says:

    Oh no! Those poor girls. Well written.

    Liked by 1 person

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