Coming to: Six Sentence Story

She was jolted into semiconsciousness as someone shook her, calling her name. The noise was overwhelming with beeps and machines sounding as though they were breathing in, then out and people yelling orders, ” she’s tubed so you can give the activated charcoal as soon as you get a nasogastric tube in.”

She started to thrash in the bed protesting against treatment, against this tube being pushed down her nose. She just wanted to die and have the struggle over.

Someone took her hand, stroking it gently and a kindly voice was telling her that this time they would make sure that she got help.

They didn’t know she’d already helped herself and killed her father.

Thank you to Denise from Girlie on the Edge’s Blog for hosting and putting out the prompt.

About Irene Waters 19 Writer Memoirist

I began my working career as a reluctant potato peeler whilst waiting to commence my training as a student nurse. On completion I worked mainly in intensive care/coronary care; finishing my hospital career as clinical nurse educator in intensive care. A life changing period as a resort owner/manager on the island of Tanna in Vanuatu was followed by recovery time as a farmer at Bucca Wauka. Having discovered I was no farmer and vowing never again to own an animal bigger than myself I took on the Barrington General Store. Here we also ran a five star restaurant. Working the shop of a day 7am - 6pm followed by the restaurant until late was surprisingly more stressful than Tanna. On the sale we decided to retire and renovate our house with the help of a builder friend. Now believing we knew everything about building we set to constructing our own house. Just finished a coal mine decided to set up in our backyard. Definitely time to retire we moved to Queensland. I had been writing a manuscript for some time. In the desire to complete this I enrolled in a post grad certificate in creative Industries which I completed 2013. I followed this by doing a Master of Arts by research graduating in 2017. Now I live to write and write to live.
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12 Responses to Coming to: Six Sentence Story

  1. zoe says:

    wow!!!! quite a story. well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Holy smokes Irene! Was not expecting that ending. Riveting!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ok! here you got us readers lulled into the peace of a scene involving granulated charcoal and nose tubes…. (lol) and it turns out this about a murder (or, at very least, a killing).
    way to surprise end a Six!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pat B says:

    That final line changed the story. Now of course there needs to be more to the story. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This was so powerfully written!! My heart went out to this character, obviously people had failed to note the situation she was in before, and now she has taken matters into her own hands in more ways than one, feeling she had no other option. Desperation is such a tragic thing, we have to be more aware of what’s going on with the people around us! Great story!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Deborah Lee says:

    I’ve always wondered how medical pros feel when they know they’re trying to save a killer. Clinical and just another day at the office, I’d imagine. Good six.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Deborah. Having looked after in intensive care a few that have had police guards as they were under arrest for varying crimes on the whole you just treat them as any person. It is difficult though when you have in the same unit the person that has suffered at his hands. Then it is harder to divorce yourself from the criminal act and the patient. Some nurses and doctors found it difficult to treat attempted suicides as they saw them as taking away staff from those who were ill or had been in accidents. I’m glad to say that seems to be a thing of the past and staff now realise that there is something going on that has caused the action or that they are mentally ill which is just as real as having a physical ailment.


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