I am very lucky that my husband is not the jealous kind. He is quite happy for me to go dancing and be held in another man’s arms. He hates dancing with a passion but he knows how much I have always enjoyed it and it gives him joy that I follow my passion. Conversely, I have no problem with him following his passion – golf.
This is quite different to my first marriage where my husband was extremely jealous. Jealous of not only men that I may talk to but also girlfriends and family and worst, any time spent out of his company. This included time spent in another room doing housework.
I have reflected on these two opposite positions and concluded that it is much more than trust that is at stake when it comes to jealousy. Total absolute trust removes the need to be jealous so why would someone be jealous of housework? This is not an activity that requires trust unlike dancing in another man’s arms.
The absence of jealousy requires much more than just trust in the other person. It needs for the person to have a high self-esteem. They need to believe that they are worthy of your love. They need to love themselves. A person that feels inferior will always have doubts about why their partner is with them. They will think that every person is more desirable than themselves and start having thoughts of abandonment if their loved one so much as looks at another person. The more inferior a person feels the more constricting they will become of their partner in the effort of preventing situations from occurring that they see as dangerous. Even doing housework in another room. Eventually that constriction will totally suffocate.
I am not a jealous person and I trust my husband. I’m also okay with myself. The only time I can remember feeling jealous was of my cousin’s relationship with my brother when I was somewhere between six and eight. They played together at our Grandmother’s excluding me from their games. I was so jealous that I decided there was nothing for it but to run away. I didn’t get far before being found and it didn’t change anything except that now the adults were angry.
Jealousy I decided was futile and wasted time when that time could have been spent having fun.
Reflections and Nightmares- Irene A Waters (writer and memoirist) 
It’s great that you’re married to someone who trusts you and has the confidence that you’ll be loyal to him. Being with a jealous partner is exhausting. I know exactly what you mean by not even being able to be in the next room without them breathing down your neck with accusations. Been there, but so glad that I’m not now.
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The experience really makes you appreciate not having it. Glad you are free of it now. Cheers Irene
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It’s true – a wasted emotion, with no basis in love or kindness. An interesting read. Glad I stopped by. Happy A to Z and bonjour from France http://detoutcoeurlimousin.blogspot.fr/2014/04/bon-journee-our-potential-for-love.html
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Bonjour, Glad you stopped by and that you found the post interesting. I am going to check your site in a minute (thank you A – Z). I am guessing that you will be rural. We had a Frenchman in Gloucester NSW who imported from France Limousin cattle. I could have the name slightly incorrect but they were an unusual cattle breed for Australia. Cheers Irene
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I worked in a virtually all male environment for my whole career, and now with my writing, spend time with other writers, some male. My husband never expressed any concern or jealousy and some of my male friends have become his friends as well. And you’re right, he has good self-esteem and trust!
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I thinkk the self esteem is so important. I worked in an almost entirely female environment. At times I would have given anything to be in a male environment but it too probably has its drawbacks.
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so true…so true…and so well said, Irene.. Jealousy is like a third person taking up residence in the marriage… sue
womenlivinglifeafter50.com
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I like that third person analogy Sue. Definitely an unwanted presence. Cheers Irene
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Reblogged this on Writing Out Loud and commented:
I think great post for relationship.
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Oh, noble, Irene – noble ! And I agree that it’s entirely about trust. I never had a single jealous second with Chic.
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A great relationship M-R. You were lucky indeed.
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Great read this Irene about that ‘Green’ giant. Jealousy destroys so much, you are right. I’m so thankful that my husband isn’t the jealous sort, having been at the receiving end of it, as you once were, before. What a relief! Can get on with the business of living!
I did enjoy your little story at the end, about you running away, not because of how you felt but that I could just imagine you as that little girl feeling those strong emotions (having experienced the same) and you wrote it so beautifully 🙂
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Thanks Sherri, Sadly my cousin and I did not recover from that period and I have only seen her once since my teenage years. Jealousy is just destructive. Glad we have both escaped it and are both married to non-jealous men. Cheers Irene
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Oh I’m so sorry to hear that Irene. You are right, jealousy plays havoc. So glad you are happier now 🙂
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