As a small child I was taught to tell the truth and this I did unwaveringly until I got into trouble for telling it. I cannot remember exactly what the incident was but I know it was something to do with the old man we had seen that morning from my bedroom window. We had watched, with the nasty type of glee that only children have, as the chaps’ toupee blew off in the wind. I must have later imparted the news that he was bald and I was left in no doubt that I had done the wrong thing. “But you told me I should never tell a lie” I informed my parents. The lesson of the white lie versus the black lie was then taught to me. Black and white became a little less black and a little less white, greying but resistant to the change.
It appeared that if what you were going to say was going to hurt someone then you must lie. If what you were going to say was going to hurt yourself you had to tell the truth – lying in this instance not being permissible. It seemed jolly unfair to me until my level of understanding increased with my maturing age. When I really did see things in grey.
So how does this fit in with memoir writing. You are writing about yourself therefore you must tell the truth. Your readers expect it. At the same time there are other people involved and at times what you write may hurt them so are you then compelled to lie? The question of truth and honesty in memoir is a much written about subject. There are instances such as James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces which have created much controversy as it was sold originally as a memoir when it was more fiction than fact.
Creativity is allowed in the dialogue used and in the blurring of time frames, otherwise a memoir must be true. When it comes to the truth in the narrative however, the situation becomes a little more difficult as each person’s reality (truth) will be different. Therefore if the author’s remembrances are not true but it IS the author’s reality, is this then the truth?
Then you need to consider the other people in the memoir. How important are they to you? I don’t believe that you can change events to protect as that is lying about yourself to your audience. Either the book cannot be written until that person is gone or written as fiction or under a pseudonym. Or take the dare, bite the bullet, talk to the person and hope for the best as in memoir writing, truth is paramount.
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Reflections and Nightmares- Irene A Waters (writer and memoirist) 
It is certainly a wrestling match! I have often done this wrestling myself, being the youngest of five my memories are always different than those of my family.
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Yes and the memories differ totally in level of importance. Something I write which mean nothing to me my brother gets quite upset about. It certainly is a wrestling match.
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Exactly!
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This is a helpful post. I am considering writing my story and no man (or woman) is an island! Sue
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I’m glad it was helpful Sue. I have now followed you as I love memoirs and everyone’s journey is of interest and different.
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Thanks for the follow. Most of my reminiscences appear on my blog suestrifles.wordpress.com but I am considering writing a book, which I’d do off-line. Sue
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That’s what I did as well. Good luck with it.
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Thank you. Sue
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The business of telling the truth or telling a lie when writing memoirs can get tricky at times. About a week ago I published my post called ‘The Green Jello Salad’ that told of an incident that would have embarrassed a relative of mine. I felt okay reveling though because there are no living descendants of that line in my family tree. The rest of the family is well aware of the incident so if they happened to read it would get a chuckle out of it.
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More tricky than you would think as you never know what innocent sentence might offend. Sad there are no descendants left in that line but it certainly solved a possible dilemma.
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very touchy subject. I would most certainly have a difficult time writing about someone living (or deceased for that matter) that was less than flattering.. Subsequently I’m staying away from it altogether. But for someone writing their memoirs, do you really have a choice when it comes to truth telling?
Thought provoking Irene,
good subject.
best,
maureen
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Yes it is touchy. For a memoirist it is a real issue. Thanks Maureen
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